Random Reveries

I feel like such a dumb college student right now. I should not have skipped class. It became a really bad habit and I’m screwed for my quiz tomorrow. Lesson learned. It’s just like Senioritis…you just let down your guard and it spirals into a disease -_-

Well, maybe I’ll just make pictures on my scantron if I feel really hopeless, but I guess the only thing I can do is just try my best.

Starting now.

And no more ditching class…

Just listened to a lot of songs from when I was in middle school. It’s crazy how much sex and drugs teenagers are exposed to in music…now that I listen to the songs again, it’s like “how did I miss this the first time?” Just crazy…

It’s so weird not registering for classes o_O

BUT, I met with the school of social sciences so I guess it’s like I’m getting classes for Kent right now…

If everything works out:

FALL:

Japan in the World - PO557

Drugs, Culture, and Control - SO689

Learning Mandarin 1A - LA302

World Englishes - LL309

SPRING:

Understanding US Foreign Policy: War, Transformation and Terror - PO634

Governance and Politics of Contemporary China - PO597

What is Christian Theology? - TH343

Learning Mandarin 1B - LA303

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I hope the classes won’t be too hard. 

If I can get rid of one fear that I have, it would be trypophobia. I just saw something I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry, but I’m cussing inside right now. I’m so grossed out…I want to throw up because the image just keeps on coming back to me. SO EFFING GROSS, BARFFF. UAOHEH AGHH! Sometimes, I can’t help getting freaked out by things that just exist naturally in life…like the freckles on my face…it scares the hell out of me whenever I see them. I wish I didn’t have trypophobia because I seriously really want to go throw up or cry or something right now. UGHHH. My LIFE! 

SO GROSS. SO GROSS.

Inhale, exhale. 

Today, I had the privilege of attending an event in which a Hiroshima bombing survivor shared her experiences with the atomic bomb. Aside from the emotional appeal of hearing about her physically, mentally, and spiritually excruciating recounts, she really challenged me in a way which I least expected. As soon as she stepped on stage, I saw that she was wearing a big cross necklace. I didn’t think much of it because everyone treats the cross as an accessory these days (not that that’s okay, but that’s beyond the point). However, as she concluded her testimony, she said that the three most important characteristics involved in changing the world are courage, action, and love. She was basically saying that the willingness to do something with the action backing it up was useless. 

I soon connected her statement to “Faith without actions is dead” and thought, “Wow, that’s pretty cool.”  Then, she challenged me when she responded with another biblical concept to someone’s question. That person had asked, “Well, didn’t Japan see the atomic bombings coming after Pearl Harbor?” She replied that the problem initially begins with blame, which leads to retaliation. “Well, you did this to me so I’m going to do this to you.” Of course Japan was responsible for Pearl Harbor, but she was strongly against retaliation. She suggested that instead of retaliation, we should turn to cooperation…we can turn to the UN, for example. I thought, “Well, because I’m a Christian, her answer is holy and morally correct. But the real world doesn’t work like that. We don’t just talk it out. People are inherently greedy and do bad things in order to get things that they don’t have. People just don’t turn to peaceful negotiations because we’re stubborn by nature.” 

But as I was debating between the “right” thing to do which is to have a peaceful negotiation and the realistic, worldly way in which international relations play out, she opened my eyes with her next statement. She said that instead of blame and retaliation, we must practice forgiveness. Despite the hellish experiences she’s been through because of the bombing, including getting reconstructive surgery on her upper body and face, losing all of her family members due to radiation cancer, getting cancer herself, spending her teenage years in a completely destroyed city, and having her soul destroyed, she found freedom in forgiving the people who were involved with dropping the bomb. I soon began to reflect on my own experiences with feeling resentment toward those who invaded Korea…which were her people. I saw that the more I hold resentment towards what happened to Korea, the more I face internal torment…because history cannot be changed. I learned that I need to change my perspective on the history between Korea and Japan. Like she stated, I need to forgive in order to be set free.

So why does this one event matter so much to me? Why am I over-analyzing this? Because strangely, her testimony came at the most perfect time in my life. For the past couple of weeks, I had been reconsidering my major. I wasn’t going to change it because it’s too late, but I was asking myself if I really wanted to be an International Studies major. I wasn’t sure whether I was enjoying my major. But her testimony reassured me that International Studies could really be right for me. I don’t know if I’m going to change the world per say, but I’ve had dreams of working for the UN or becoming an ambassador so that I can reach countless countries with the love of Jesus Christ through the testimony of my own life. I let go of those dreams because I felt like I was being selfish by not asking God what he wants me to do with my life and instead created my own dreams. But now, I don’t know…I just want to leave my options open. This event is really challenging me…it keeps lingering in my mind. The world would say, “What the hell? How would we defend our country without retaliation? What if we didn’t do anything after the September 11 attacks?” The world would look at Christian ideals and call them “way too idealistic” or “nonsense” or “too lovey-dovey” or ________.  I don’t know what international affairs with Christian ideals applied to them would look like either, because we don’t live in utopia. But what I do know is that this world needs love. And a lot of it. Those who claim to be Christian need to step up and love the people in this world…regardless of who they are. If the world loved more, it would not look like what it does now. 

* “Dreams” - The Game

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On a side note, had the BEST weekend ever.

Friday night: Fun with Konnect and KSO at Byuldaepo KBBQ and NRB :) And got a good grade on a test I barely studied for…but will fix that next time! haha. 

Saturday: Brothers Appreciation was amazing and SO much fun. Our brothers are soo funny…”boring movies like Pride and Prejudice”  and “No, Deborah Seoung does not know how to swim” (umm…Nakorn, she was on the swim team o_o). Partying up to old 90s jams. And POKEMON!

Sunday: BANQUET! Everyone looked beautiful. Bonded with Sarah Park for the first time in a long time and talked about our high school days. Saw SNSD!!! My favorites! I waved hi to Sooyoung and she smiled and waved! And Jessica looked right into my camera!
Also saw Super Junior, Shinee, and F(x). All for free :) 

Monday: Got a summer job :) Movie night with my Sophomore class! Shanghai Noon~

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Life is so good right now. I’m so thankful because last quarter was so hard for me. There’s only 3/4 more weeks left for me at UCI (until Senior year) so I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can :)

Now I gotta clean my room :(

…a friend you haven’t seen in YEARS instagrams her food and you’re both eating off of the same exact freakin plate with Asian decorations around the border…HAHAHAHAHHAA!!! 김스전기???